I was browsing ideas to paint my kitchen cabinets and stumbled across this sign,

that makes me smile:

From Red Letter Words

Found on another decorating/crafting blog The Lettered Cottage

Yes, I know. Take a deep breath and smell the flowers. Life is beautiful.

My New Years Resolution

• Be content with where I am in my life.

Yep, only one. Its a pretty big one for me. Its been an internal battle that I've been dealing with and I have to make it a goal to change my thinking.

Don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed. I have a loving husband, a beautiful baby girl, health for us all and safety. I have an education and we both have jobs. We have a house, we live in America and there are many people around us that love us.

I don't have a desire to have massive wealth or fame. I am grateful for my career, but what I really want is to have more time to be a mommy.

Yes, we bought our house before the market took a nose dive and lost the value out from under us. I wanted desperately to go part time after I had Charlize, but there were some bills to take care of. We payed off Nate's truck and traded in my Murano and the only way his business could help make the payments was to get a truck. Ok, one bill down but the mortgage still had to be met. So, even though I was offered a part time position I couldn't take it. I had kinda started to get into photography as a business and thought that perhaps I could slowly turn that into something that would help me later on.

The Kindergarten/Reading Recovery position came open a month before school started and I jumped at the chance knowing that it was the only outlet for going part time in the future and to get amazing reading training at the same time. I *LOVE* what I am learning and I simply adore teaching Kindergarten! It has been an amazing learning experience but I have been SO absolutely, overwhelmingly consumed with everything being so new and feeling so inadequate. I actually went on anxiety medication to help me get through everything that was on my plate. We were turned down from refinancing and then come to find out we don't qualify for loan modification because we haven't had a change in income. We are keeping our fingers crossed that Nate can get the lineman apprenticeship, but still no word. Like many others, Nate's business has slowed and its only making the payments on the new machine and building he put up this past year so that hasn't shown much relief either.

I have felt so stuck, desperate and frustrated. I feel like I am working so hard and yet what I'm working for isn't working out.

Alright, I'm not making this a pity party - I just needed to vent some feelings. I even feel selfish for thinking it at times. Maybe I should have made my goal to have more patience. :)

I feel like I need to explain a little more for why I even started to do photography as a business. I was working for a way to help me go part time. I love it (not the business side of it) and enjoy the creative release that it has given me. It has even pushed me out of my comfort zone to talk more, make others feel comfortable to get the image I'm looking for and something that they'll enjoy having. If you're reading this, your a friend of mine (another perk to having the blog private) and please know that I would never be offended if you didn't have me take your pictures or even if you don't like what I do. Please let me know if there's something I can do for you (working out prices and such) because I don't think that anyone should go without pictures because they don't feel like they can afford it. Believe me - I know how frustrating it is to feel like I couldn't go to someone because I couldn't afford them. In reality I should be like the others and charge $500 for family pictures to make it going part time. But I can't justify spending that much money, I can't hardly ask someone else to. I know there are plenty of professionals out there saying that it weakens the industry, but I'm not trying to. I just think that there should be some options at different price points.

As for me, I'll keep working on my goal. One day I'll be able to spend more time with my own babies. I know being a stay-at-home-mom has its own challenges and difficulties. I don't want to give up the training and learning through teaching that I've acquired. I just have a slight shift in focus.

who knows, perhaps we should just take the leap that many others have and just go part-time with a prayer that all will work out. We've done good at staying out of debt and making all our payments, so somewhere there has to come a break. :) I'll be optimistic that it'll happen.

Rub-a-dub-dub at 15 months

To tell the truth, I have stopped counting months so it was a little brain power to calculate it. :)
I haven't been doing well at keeping up each month, so I thought I'd do it now.

(Yes, that is a big Owie on her head. We were up at the arena and she was sitting on Jess' bike. I propped her up against my leg and as I turned to look at the steers, she fell around my leg into the only pile of rocks around. Yes I felt horrible! It has since healed up nicely but urgh that was such a yucky feeling !)


Charlize knows what she wants and is not afraid to say "no" if she doesn't want it. She loves anything soft and will rub her face on it to feel it on her cheek. She loves to sleep and says "nigh-night' in a sing song voice when we put her down. She loves to have her blankets to sleep with and when we get her out of her crib, she hands us her blanket to cuddle with. She loves to brush her teeth and constantly goes to get ours out of our drawers for her to use.

Charlize has figured out how to climb up on the trunk/toy chest in our living room and onto the couches. I have caught her trying to climb up her bookshelf to get the last book and my sister found her trying to climb out of her crib. She is definitely determined. She can now open doors in our house (we have the lever-type handles).

Her *FaVoRiTe* thing is milk. She drinks SO MUCH milk, that poor belly is rock hard and we wonder how she could even attempt to drink more, but she always finds room. She love to eat maccaroni & cheese, jello and scrambled eggs (not all together of course). She loves to draw and also spill her sippy cup to push the water around in a mess.

She is a collector - bringing things to me and if I try to put it away she gets upset and brings it right back. She loves to wear her coat and get going. She gets restless if caught in the house too long. The moment that Nate puts his cowboy hat on, she won't leave his side because she knows its time to go ride horses.

She loves to toddle around the house from room to room with me. She knows which drawer has the embellishments in my craft closet and she loves to pull them out. She loves to help Nate cook and me fold the laundry. She loves to get in my necklaces and proudly walks around the house with them on.

Charlize says: off, this, no, Gmpa, Poppa, Dadda, Momma, horse, pretty, uh oh, and is constantly gibbering away. She folds her arms to pray, uses right and left hands evenly and *lOVeS* to dance. She is starting to get a noticeable amount of blond hair, with a distinct duck tail curl in the back. I can fluff it up in the tub, but it doesn't last very long after it dries.

First 2 Weeks in January

We are lucky to have a few warm days here and can enjoy riding in the warmth. :) Charlize loves to ride by herself and yep, it looks like she's working on that Rodeo Queen wave already. ;)

Yet again, anything with handles is a purse. She was frantic to get to hold the bag so she could put her arm through it.

One Saturday, I got to get together with Ashley and Angie for lunch at the Pasta Factory. It was really fun to catch up on what's going on in our lives and get a little girl time in.

The Rest of 2009

Taking down the Christmas tree, Charlize's favorite ornaments were of course the little horses. She loved to play with them while I packed everything else away. I set the tree up while she was sleeping because I didn't want her to play with all the ornaments since she had seen me 'play' with them all. I think it worked out pretty good, because she only liked to touch one boot ornament that would swing after her bump. She also didn't mess with the trees at Grandmas house or Ashley's.

New Year's Eve, we were going to go up North for a roping in Farmington but due to the weather we decided to stay home. I was *STILL* sick and so was Charlize so we stayed home while Nate went roping in Mesquite. My mom stopped by andencouraged me to go mail my postcards to my students wishing them a happy new year, and run to get this cowhide minky that I've been dying to get. With my punch card (Thanks Denise for giving me the rest of yours) and a great sale I was able to get 1 yd. minky and 8 yards rick-rack for $3.80. :) I whipped this blanket out in an hour. I wanted to peice some flowers onto it to make it look alittle more feminie, but I knew I wouldn't get it finished if I did.

She has started carrying blankets around everywhere, so I'm trying to get her hooked on a cute one :)

Charlize is a total girl! ANYthing that resembles handles becomes a purse. I was doing laundry (such a challange with all my folded clothes returning to the basket, unfolded) and she put these 2 bibs on her arms like purses. :)

Nate and I didn't even stay up for the New Year. I know we are duds, but about a week later I was finally over the sinus infection and Boo was doing much better too.

Crafting

I know, I have posts still to add about the rest of the holidays and I even got a chance to go to lunch with Ashley and Angie and haven't posted about it yet (Girls, after I post this I'll send the pic). I also need to tell about my 1 New Year's resolution. But for now I want to talk about crafting.

I have a section on my Google Reader of Craft Blogs that I love to look at. Maybe I shouldn't because it makes me want to tackle more projects that I already have started - but their creativity makes me feel empowered that I could do the same and make my house our home.

So, I think I'll share my obsession with those wanting to see as well. Go on, take a look at them. You'll feel inspired to start your own, just remember to send me the links of your favorite craft blogs so I can add to my list. :)

Today's Creative Blog Yep, Obvious. But they feature different craft blogs to begin to follow. (yep it's like the headquarters for craft blogs!)

made 2 cREate: She does alot of things, but I loved this mobile she made. Ashley, here's the link cause I think they'd be so cute in your new nursery!

Little Birdie Secrets

IS-LY

The Nesting Place

I had Nate pickout material for his quilt over a year ago. For Christmas, I got all the peiced-peices put together, layed it all out and have 5 of the 9 strips put together. I had best of intentions to finish it over the break but with getting sick - it didn't happen. (Really hard to sew with a little one under tow). I still have a couple baby blankets cut out and ready to sew, and my own hasn't even been started. O well.

I have my Spring Break project lined out, to paint an old dresser that my mom let me have. I bought a bunch of drawer pulls I've been dying to use and its the perfect project - but it has to wait till theSpring.

More later . . . :)

The Day After Christmas

We went to lunch with Nate's family at Wing Nutz and it was SOOO YUMMY! That is definitly a favorite place to go get wings now!
Charlize loves Grandpa and Grandma B. She knows that Grandpa always has glasses and a pen in his shirt pocket and its a game for her to take them out. I just love all these smiles she's started giving.

After lunch we went up to the arena to go riding. It was chilly-er than I though it would be so we sat in the truck for a little while. I played with my camera and Charlize had fun tromping around on the front seat. But once she noticed Nate was out riding, she was glued to that window, tapping away to try to let him know she wanted to go.

Charlize and Nate riding. Yep, big cheeser smile.

Charlize and I riding. She is very persistant that she is in control and pushes my hand out of the reins so that she could hold them.

Heading home, she was so happy and again full of smiles. How could I not take some more cute pictures of the little missy?!

We met up with our friends Brinlee, Kyle and baby Kimber for dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Then back to our house so the girls could play. We brought out the horse bouncer for Kimber to bounce in and Chalize loved playing with her.